Welcome to Rudan Thursdays where we talk about…things! Anything from books and movies, to blog posts and authors, to food and drink ~ and everything in between!
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Yesterday was my mom’s birthday. She passed away over three and a half years ago. I think about her every day. Every single day.
Many of you have noticed my absence these last few months. This post by Roni Loren scared the **** out of me. I wasn’t sure what to do, so I literally did nothing.
I have to be honest with you – I’m not a huge fan of blogging.
Oh, stop, it’s not like that.
I am a perfectionist; it makes me crazy writing these posts. English was my favorite class in school…I work in the legal field…these, combined with my fear of failure (and success), make it quite a challenge to get them perfect.
I agonize over every word – is it the right word for what I’m trying to convey? I stress out over every punctuation – should that be a question or a statement? I search and search and search for the perfect images to complement the tone or subject of my posts. I even spend too much time wondering when the best time to publish my post is.
It’s exhausting.
So what does this have to do with my mom? I’ve been thinking a lot about what she would tell me about all of this. My mom was one of those moms (like me, and many others lol) who thought that her child was 100% perfect in every way. The fact that I stood upright, spoke, and blinked was enough to make my mom swell with pride. While she was alive, it was sometimes exasperating, sometimes funny. Now, remembering makes the loss of her that much sharper, more poignant.
What would my mom say? She would tell me that I’m brilliant just for trying. She would tell me how outstanding (that was her word for everything I did) my blog is. She would also tell me – as would marketing experts – since I want to be published one of the things I need to do as a writer, besides writing, is get my name out there—and this blog, among other things, can do that.
She would give me a hug, tell me I’m an outstanding writer, and put my big girl pants on.
And stop punishing myself.
And post when I have something to post.
And not worry about it after that.
As a good friend of mine recently said: I’m a writer who blogs, not a blogger who writes 🙂 Besides, how will any of you get to read my books if I’m spending more time perfecting posts instead of polishing manuscripts?
That said, I will do my very best to keep to my Tuesday & Thursday schedule, but if I’m busy writing, or busy with my family, or busy learning from geniuses like James Scott Bell and Larry Brooks, then the post will have to wait.
Besides, you’re a laid back bunch, I know you’ll forgive my lapses 🙂
So talk to me. Do you ever feel pressured to be perfect? What do you do about it?
(I’m trying so hard not to focus on how many times I typed the word “write” in this post…lol)
Kate Wood 
Yes, I do feel pressure. I am a closet writer. I don’t know if I will ever be able to show my writing to someone else. I have a several WIPs and one 15000 thousand word book that I’m working on. But the idea of presenting it for someone to give their opinion just scares me. Everything I did as a child was never good enough and I would never be good enough. The couple of times I ventured out there and received constructive review of chapters broke me out in sweats. I didn’t want to repeat that ever again. So I keep writing just for the fun of it, to entertain myself. I even have trouble giving reviews when asked for fear of not expressing myself correctly and causing another writer to second guess their writing. Even this post is hard to send, I have written several to different authors but never posted. Anyway, glad to see you’re back. I missed your posts
I’m so sorry, Linda…I’d replied back to you right after you’d commented, but for some reason it never showed up – I just noticed. Here’s, basically, what I said:
Linda, I was right where you are now about two years ago. Because I can relate to your fear, and how you got it, I’m going to give you some unsolicited advice 😛
You need to take a long look in the mirror, look deep in your eyes. Decide right then whether you want to be a published author (traditionally or self – doesn’t matter at this point), or whether you truly only want to write for yourself. If you decide the latter, then stop reading here and skip to the bottom of my reply.
Assuming you dream of seeing your book on a Barnes & Noble shelf or listed on Amazon, you need to do three things. 1) Find someone you trust to tell you the truth, no matter how painful. Someone who will shoot you straight, and someone you won’t feel threatened by. Ask them if they would be willing to look at your pages (you decide how much your comfortable giving them at one time). Let them know how difficult it is for you to ask, but also how important it is to you to have help. Its important that this person be close enough that you can have a face to face chat with, because doing it all online isn’t always the best. It’s good to mix it up, and facing a critique group in person when you’re this scared may not be the right choice at this point. 2) Join an online group of like-minded writers. Could be your local RWA chapter (not sure if you write romance or not). You will be AMAZED by how many writers feel exactly the same way that you do – and being able to share your fears, have them heard and understood, goes a LONG way toward being able to overcome them. Before you know it, you’ll be chatting with them about your scenes instead of your fears 🙂 3) Finally, with this decision comes the understanding that YOU are in charge here. YOU decide if your fear will rule you. YOU decide whether you will allow your childhood traumas to dictate how you will live your life today. My childhood was fraught with every concievable injury and abuse – yet, here I am. I’m a well-adjusted, mostly sane, fairly responsible woman who can not only hold down a respectable 9-5’er, but I’m writing books, and raising a family – two girls, that are, quite possibly, two of the most perfect children on the planet 😛
If I can do this, so can you.
That said, regardless of whatever you choose, feel free to reach out to me here, or e-mail me at celticsenaxi@gmail.com. Because I’m so well-adjusted and responsible *wink* I may not get back to you right away, but I will get back to you. So many have lent me a hand, I’m thankful that I can do the same for you.
Many blessings,
Kate
What an incredible mom! Mine’s like that too. Completely encouraging.
I can understand that post scaring you; it scared me too. But there are wonderful free sites to get photos and as long as you acknowledge the owner, you’ll be fine. I’ve always been cautious, but even more so now. I can also relate to being busy. So I don’t always post on a schedule. I do what I can and try not to stress about the rest. Because as you said, we’re writer(s) blogging, not the other way around.
Take care of yourself and your writing. The rest is just icing. 🙂
Grrr…none of my replies posted! *headdesk*
Thank you Rhonda. She was, and is, pretty awesome.
My specific difficulty, is finding photos of quality mythological images (i.e. – Celtic gods & goddesses). There just aren’t any that I can find at this point. I have reached out to some other bloggers in the hopes of finding someone willing to share. Cross your fingers for me!
You’re SO right – the rest IS just icing 😛
Kate, we’ll be happy to hear from you whenever you have the urge to post. We’ve all learned that blogging isn’t the end all and be all, but it has its wonderful moments … when we want to be in that moment! It’s a wonderful legacy our mothers leave when we keep them so close and still hear their encouraging words. She would indeed be saying you are “outstanding”!
Thank you so much, Patricia! Your words mean so much. Thank you for your continued, and unflagging, support!
That is all sound advice. Listen to what your mom would say. Take it easy with the whole blogging thing, post when you feel like it and chill out after that 🙂
Thanks Emma!
Do I ever feel pressured to be perfect? Every freaking day. But guess what? I’m not. I’m flawed and imperfect in many incredible ways. I think being perfect would be boring ~ what do you have to aspire to?
Your mom sounds like an amazing woman. She’s still whispering in your heart to be outstanding, to be who you know you can be, stop worrying so much about being perfect. Just be you. Because you know what? Your imperfect self is the one we all love so very much.
Truer words were never spoken…or typed, in this case.
Tameri, your kids are so freaking lucky to have you as their mom! Thank you for being a wonderful friend to me 🙂