The Final Word On Fear

Welcome to Rudan Thursdays where we talk about…things! Anything from books and movies, to blog posts and authors, to food and drink.

Today, let’s flip Fear the finger one final time.

As I’m sure you’ve guessed, Bob Mayer is my go-to guy when I feel Fear’s creepy, crawly fingers inching up my spine. On the impossible off-chance you’ve not heard of Mr. Mayer, read on my friends, and you won’t be able to Google him fast enough. 😛

Bob says that fear is, “…a feeling of alarm or disquiet caused by the expectation of danger, pain, or the like.” The key word being, of course, ‘expectation.’ We expect or imagine all of these negative or horrible things happening, and most of the time it’s probably just our overactive imaginations at work.

Yet, we cling to these fears. Why? Think back to the last fear you can remember. Did what you imagine happening actually happen? Chances are, no. And most of the time, those scary situations never arise.

What we need to do, is hike up our big girl/boy pants and get some Courage (yeah, with a capital “C”). Fear, with a few exceptions, is a normal, healthy emotion. It’s what we do with that fear that’s really important. Do we cling to it, desperate to try to stop whatever evil is heading our way, or do we…

Suck. It. Up.

Bob says that courage is, “the state or quality of mind or spirit that enables one to face danger with self-possession, confidence, and resolution. It is the ability to do something that frightens one. Courage is strength in the face of pain or grief.”

How many times have you faced a fear, realized it wasn’t as bad as you thought it was going to be, felt a little foolish for being afraid in the first place, and then felt proud of yourself for being brave enough to work past it? Did you feel just a little stronger…a little more self-confident?

Having courage in the face of fear is not easy. It’s quite difficult. But…the rewards are endless. Not only will your children stop making fun of you and stop walking in the other direction when you arrive to pick them up from school…oh, wait, that’s me.

Where was I?

Oh Yeah. You’ll feel GOOD about yourself and when you feel good about yourself you’ll have a more positive outlook. And just like we chatted about last time, when your outlook becomes more positive, everything and (mostly) everyone around you changes for the better. (Eh, if they don’t change, than the problem ain’t you, my friend)

And, Change. Is. Good!

So talk to me. What was the last fear you overcame? What is that niggling fear that sits on the back of your neck whispering in your ear? Reach out, you never know who will be there to grab your hand and help you through.


14 thoughts on “The Final Word On Fear

  1. Brilliant post!

    I’m not a huge fear person. Sure I get struck by it now and then but I don’t dwell on it so I actually can’t remember the last real fear situation. The closest was a brief moment of anxiety when I sent out a story to betas for the first time but even then I was looking at it as a learning experience. Of course saying that probably means fear is going to hit me like lightning any minute, LOL

  2. When I first decided to pursue writing seriously I wondered why all the chatter about fear. Over time, education and writing experience provided a baseline for recognizing and writing a good story, but the fear rose in two areas.

    Can I do it?
    Can I recognize missing or unnecessary words in my own writing?

    So I forge ahead, hoping each experience will teach me the value of practice.

    Regarding other areas of life where fear rises up, I remind myself that the present moment is the best place to reside. Projecting ahead is building bridges I might never have to cross. We need to plan, but be aware that plans are like the tide … they come and go.

    Applying the same tactic to writing helps me forge ahead.

  3. Hi Kate,

    Great post, and I LOVE the picture. I did a post about fear last summer, and it was specifically in regards to my health. It was a problem I’d pushed off for too long. I forced myself to address it, and while things still aren’t 100%, they are much better!

    1. Excellent! I love to hear that. I’ve been forced to face my own health issues. While I’ll never be 100%, I’m 100% better than I was, and *almost* as healthy as I can be 😛 Thanks for sharing, Traci!

  4. Awesome reminder to look fear in the eyes and even if you want to run screaming in the opposite direction, stare it down and move ahead.

    I love your comment above ~ I’ll never be 100%, but I’m 100% better than I was. I’m going to post that on my wall for encouragement.

    And you are absolutely right about reaching out. I did that with our WANA class and look where we all are? I was terrified at first, but now can’t think of life without all of you.

  5. I’m always imagining the worst case scenario–and it never happens. But I’ve worked myself into the belief that if I imagine the worst, it will never turn out that way and I can feel relief. It’s terrible, I know, but I have this irrepressible need to feel prepared. There are definitely instances where I take it too far, like imagining how I would handle my parent’s death when that’s not even a reality at the moment. I think part of it comes down to I hate surprises.

  6. I feel fear all the time and, yes, I’m a big fan of “Suck It Up.”

    My ongoing fear is getting a blood clot, but that’s a valid one – been there, done that, got the scars. BUT whenever I slack off on walking or water or any of the must-do’s in my life, I absolutely torture myself with fear.

    I have fear of loss (my daughter, my husband). And fear of success. None of my fears have happened in this last paragraph, but i have to fight the “fright/flight” instinct all the same.

  7. It’s not the very last fear that I’ve overcome, but it is very significant one to me. I even blogged about it last week!

    Sometime ago I’ve learned how to ski but I was still a beginner when a few of my (crazy) friends decided that I am ready for some advanced trails. To make the long story short, I struggled so much that day, that I developed a fear of skiing. I hung my ski boots and skis for quite a long time until three years ago, when my kids were taking ski lessons. It was my children that helped me overcome my fear. Now I enjoy skiing so much that I list it at the very top of my favorite activities.

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